I am officially 15 weeks pregnant. Which means one great amazing thing... I am through the worst. This has been an interesting pregnancy.
The medicine that worked well with the last two pregnancies has lost it's affect, which has led to a very rough few months. I had to take it is such a high dose that the side effects were literally knocking me out. I have been so fatigued that the last few months I just wanted to hide.
I have been in a cave. But now I can finally come out.
The kids finally have a mom again, and that shows the most! I can do more then just give snuggles.
The sickness is not gone... It probably will not be until I am holding my sweet baby. But I don't have to survive through medicine anymore.
I packed up all that crazy medicine. No more wires to worry about. No more machine to carry around. No more hassle!!
I feel so free. I have a hop in my step today. And the future is looking up, way up.
This blog is showing my pregnancy. Every time I go through a pregnancy I get very opinionated and grumpy. I fight ever minute to keep myself in check but the fight with nausea usually knocks out my attempt to stay civil. So here is another post of rant... sorry.
The older I get, the more sick of society I get. People are disrespectful, mean, careless, and just plain selfish. Even innocent children are being raised this way. My hope for the future is rather low. I have been trying to figure out why I think people have become, for lack of a better term, bad.
As I was getting lost in an old novel I realized the civility people use to have. And now as a whole, society does not have much civility. Children are not taught respect, no respect of property, people, feeling, etc. Instead parents focus on education. Which is good too, please do not get me wrong I am not at all anti-education. But I have decided that no matter what, I want my kids to know respect from an early age. I want to influence who they are, rather then what they know.
The other thing I have found is a simple word. One not commonly found in our vocabulary, but one that would in many ways help society. That magical word is character. A word very commonly use in England. I think I was meant to have lived in England. I love the culture so much. I found this beautiful definition.
Character: the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.
How can I teach my kids character and teach them respect?? I am not too sure... I have many ideas though. I just hope that these are two words my kids will understand and value as much as I do. I know I can not change society. But I can influence my kids for the better.
This is a post I have been rather hesitant to post, because it is something I feel rather passionate about, and to be honest I don't like sharing my passionate views to the big wide world. However, after much mental debate I decided to do it for Lady Bug.
Recently I am getting more and more nervous to raise a girl in today's world. In a lot of ways, woman are better off in today's society, and everyday I am thankful to the women who stood up to the world for the rights of women.
But in other ways, I feel like we are making less ground at the same time. Constantly, in the media I hear and see jokes about women that break my heart. Usually these jokes are putting down women for being 'feminine or anti-feminist.'
A few examples are the Disney princesses and how she didn't do anything but wait for her man to come. It makes me wonder, did people see the same movies I grew up on?
These jokes claim that the princess had no ability but their sexuality. They imply Disney failed at supporting women. I strongly disagree. I see princess who might not have had a 'career'. But these movies taught me that no matter what trials you have come your way, an honorable character, a humble personality, and a sweet demeanor can conquer all types of evil. Good will prevail evil. And love is the greatest power of good on this earth. And these women were loved as they deserved because every girl is a princess. This is one of my favorite quotes from A Little Princess.
I support Lady Bug's love of princess, because they are a great example of the character I want her to become. And honestly when it comes time for her to date, I want to her to settle for nothing less then a man who will always treat her like the queen I know she is.
Another joke that was circulating out there is considering the 2012 presidential elections. Being of the same faith as nominee Mitt Romney, I really find these hurtful, because they are so untrue.
These claim how Mitt Romney doesn't really understand feminism because his wife is a stay-at-home-mom. It is assumed by these ignorant people that he doesn't support women in the work field because he and his wife chose to have Ann Romney stay at home and raise their children.
As a stay-at-home-mom myself it is hurtful to have anyone doubt a husbands' support of women just because his wife chooses to stay at home to raise their kids. Honestly, I don't know a man more supportive of womanhood then a husband willing to work even harder then the average man to support an entire family on his own. I have never once felt inferior to my husband. Instead I feel like he treats me everyday as his superior.
C.S. Lewis put it beautifully how my husband makes me feel.
Being a stay-at-home-mom comes with its sacrifices. In a world where most families live off two incomes we take many sacrifices to live within the means of one. But that is a choice we have made and it is one I know we will never regret. I would not exchange the time I have with my wonderful children for anything in the world. I am so blessed to being able to teach and learn from them everyday.
My religion has taught me the true value of women and I am so thankful for what it has taught me. There is a book entitled Eve and the Choice Made in Eden by Beverly Campbell that I adore. Campbell is so good at explaining how the LDS church really views womanhood.
As I was struggling with the negativity that I have been feeling from the world on womanhood recently I found these amazing videos. Although short, only a couple minutes each, I found an instant change in my feelings. I found hope. I am so thankful for a church that values my gender.
This one made me realize I do not have to worry about Lady Bug. She has the best example possible of how important women are by watching how Alex treats me.
I am so thankful to live in a day and age where women have equal rights! I believe in empowering women. But not underplaying what makes us so special. Instead I believe in empowering women to love being a women, to be thankful for all the talents/traits that they are born with. Why did we have to go from fighting for equal rights to putting down other women for embracing her gender? I believe women are trusted with the care of innocent children, not because it is a burden, but because it is a pure joy. Everyday I am thankful for the choice Eve made in the garden of Eden! Without her strength and understanding mankind would never have been able to be born. I am proud to be a women. I am proud to be a wife. I am proud to be a mother. And I think there is nothing better then being a women. I would not trade it for the world! I just hope I can teach Lady Bug to embrace her gender and embrace what makes her so special.
I will get off my soap box. I am sorry if this has offended anyone I care about. I have never been talented with words. But it is something I needed to get off my chest and I want to make sure as Lady Bug gets older I always teach her the importance of womanhood.
Most days I am so grateful of everything I have blessed with in my life. For some reason, this gratitude seems best to express via the Internet. It builds up and I find a great release in places like Facebook and the blogging world.
Recently, I realized that on the Internet I almost have a fake persona because I don't like to use it to complain. Luckily, I find a perfect outlet for my complaints in prayer, my amazing husband, and my sweet mother.
But today I looked at my day, and realized it is so hectic and crazy. The house is a disaster, and I physically don't have the strength to clean it. Alex has been amazing working hard all week, to come home and take care of the kids, and then spend the entire weekend cleaning the house. There are days, where I am so happy that I had the energy to at least get my kids dressed. Both kids walk around with dirty faces and pajamas on. I haven't put makeup on, or worn anything but pajamas for months.
The last two years have been some of the most difficult in my life. It hasn't really been one thing, but a mixture of many trials. So many times, I have felt myself crumbling. So many times, I felt weak. So many times, I have felt like a failure. So many times, deep down I am begging for a break to be able to catch up emotionally.
But not everyday is smooth. Many days end and I am left with a feeling of heartache at a day that really wasn't to its potential.
It is amazing how trials really form who we are and the type of person we are. Even when we feel like we are loosing our identity in it. In many ways, I am thankful for trials that make me a better person. They teach me so many life lessons, I would have been so sad to go without.
I truly do feel blessed even on days like today, where I just can't measure up to what I view as the potential. It has been difficult to become a burden on the people I love so much, while I battle a physical fight. But I take pleasure to know when the battle is done, we will all have been strengthened by the challenge. And our family will be that much closer and that much stronger.
Good news... We are pregnant. Bad news... Nine months of hyperemesis gravidarum (hg) for the family and me. Hg is a disease that only happens in 2% of pregnancy, so it is not very well known. Imagine getting food poisoning... But for nine months straight. Yeah that just barely describes hg. The legal definition is a pregnancy with horrible naseua that results in 5% body weight loss, I have averaged 20% with each of my kids so far. And that is with medicine. I can not imagine what it would be like without it. Honestly, the result before medicine was death. Charolette Bronte is suspected to have died from it. Until recently it was viewed as in the women's head. Amazing how far we have come along.
The side effects are the worst. Not only am I so sick I just want to hide in a corner but I get dehydrated, battle starvation, despise food, get extremely irritable, battle depression, and honestly just live in survival mode the whole nine months. Why you ask did I wanted to get pregnant again? Cuz the instant those babies are born I am back to myself. And what is nine months of misery to experience the joy that comes of raising beautiful children.
But by far the worst is the impact it has on my loved ones. Alex becomes pretty much a single dad for nine months and takes care of the kids and me without complaint. The kids in a lot of ways loose their mom for nine months, and Alex looses his wife. If Alex was not so amazing I could never battle this like I do, and so many women are worse off then me.
This weekend Alex even got sick but that didn't stop him from making me meals, cleaning the house, and giving the kids all the attention I wish I could. He really is our superhero and we are so lucky to have him especially during the tough times. He really is my rock and without him I would just crumble.
So when you have to be away from wonderful family it is hard, very very very hard.
We needed a vacation to Oregon!
And what an amazing vacation it was!!
Our kids loved having so many people who would adore them and play with them.
Like most vacations it was just not enough time...
But now we have many memories that will be cherished for the years to come.
A few of the memories are:
A Bubbles and Fun Party where all the cousins could play, play, and play all night while the parents went bowling.We were bad and didn't get any pictures that night. But her is a cute one of Lady Bug and cousin.
I got to take a day off from motherhood to have a road trip with my amazing mom to see my amazing grandmother. I am so blessed with such remarkable women in my life.
This is from a previous visit to see my grandma... but I just adore how much fun we were all having.
During my day off the rest of the family got to head to the beautiful Silver Creek Falls.
We got to go to the Canby Fair where we were able to
hold an exact replica of Harry Potter's Nibus 2000 from the movie
have a butterfly adventure.
Then we got lost in a lego lovers dream
all while getting family photos.
We then were able to spend some amazing day at the beautiful Oregon Coast.
Playing on the beach in Lincoln City.
We got to go to the marina and see lots of animals, which Lady Bug loved!
We even managed to hit Depoy Bay on Pirate Day. Which Red Panda LOVED!!! And the pirates Loved Red Panda.
A huge family project to reroute the little river leading to the ocean by building numerous dams. I think the adults had more fun then the kids on this one.
Alex and I got to have a much needed date... and our first night away from the kids.
It was the perfect way to celebrate our 5 year anniversary.
And of course childhood necessity of sliding down the stairs on a mattress.Which we failed to get pictures of also.
Oregon we miss you!! And we miss all our loved ones there! Arizona is our home now... but part of our home will always be in Oregon too.
