The Purpose

I wanted to start this blog off with an explanation... it is amazing how promptings come in such strange ways sometimes. And if you ignore them long enough they will just smack you in the face. So for a while I have been at a loss. I am not one of the ladies out there who get to enjoy the nine months before a gorgeous child is born to her. Instead it is full of many trips to the bathroom, countless attempts to keep food down, ridiculous weight loss, and fatigue that is impossible at times to overcome. Due to hormones and a lack of feeling of accomplishment, (I know I am making a baby what could be more rewarding then that right?) I battle with a semi-depression state during this time. This is not something I like to admit, because it just makes me feel that much more like a failure. But it is the truth. Now deep down I know my self worth, I know how blessed I am, I know that I am doing the very best I can... but of course Satan works at me during this trial and there are many times where I let him win.

This being said for a few weeks now I have realized how much of my life is absorbed in so many non productive things. To be honest the thought would come to my head and I would think "Yes! That is what I need!" But sadly, I never would work on it. Then this last Saturday night my insomnia was really bad and I was just laying in bed at around 3 am. It hit me... what I am lacking is not accomplishing tasks but it is expanding my mind. I used to learn loving and would partake in it any chance I could. However, somewhere in getting married, having a son, preparing for another little one, and just plain life I lost that fire. I look back now and I can not think of one thing I have learned in the last few years. Yes, I know I have learned some things like how to handle a two year throwing a temper- tantrum... but it has not been any knowledge that I actually sought out. So there I was at 3 am trying to think of what I want to learn... millions of things hit me at once. That is when I decided that it would be so much fun to track everything I learned the next year... and this blog was thus thought up.

The next day I went to church and while Alex kept Red Panda company I went to Relief Society, I am so blessed to have these few hours a week for me to be with some amazing sisters and learn spiritual things from them. I had to read the lesson manually that morning and was all ready to learn about the modern day church... but Heavenly Father wanted to make sure my prompting from the night before stuck. So to my surprise the lesson was completely on knowledge and how important it is to seek it out constantly. Sister Benson gave an amazing lesson! I learned that day that Angel in Greek means messenger... so there was my angel delivering a message that was so important for me to hear. She mentioned how learning takes faith and most importantly a desire to want to learn. Sadly, even after this strong message I waited four whole days to really start this. So there is my first lesson learned. We are given promptings in our life sometimes as plain as day... but we still need to act on them. Once we do then the learning and blessings can begin. And if we put them off for too long we will loose an amazing opportunity to learn something amazing.

So this blog is my attempt at pushing myself to learn and gain as much knowledge as I can! I am so excited to push myself and actually use this brain that I have been blessed with to its full potential. Sorry about the long explanation but I just wanted to make sure that my first lesson was recorded here... even if it is not one I really sought out for myself.

An End in Sight

I am just a few weeks away from my due date... and I could not be more excited!!! I know it is cliche but I feel like I have been pregnant FOREVER!!!! Luckily I forget how bad my pregnancies are so I actually want to keep having kids. As it comes to an end I can not believe I have made it another nine months of never feeling good, yes that is right never feeling good. Most of you know that my pregnancies are full of nine months of throwing up. Both times I lost over 35 pounds. However, even though I am a grump, who is emotionally unstable and exhausted beyond all believe (yeah I am so happy if I can fall asleep before 3 am, and Liam has me up at 730 almost every morning) there are so many things that I am so thankful for and I can not imagine managing it with out. This is a weird thing to add to our family blog but I still can't help listing them out.

1. Alex- Yeah I know this is an obvious but I can not even begin to count the times Alex has taken over chores like making dinner to cleaning the house that has not been touched for days and days on end (you can imagine the state with a 2 year old on the loose.) He puts up with me when I get furious or start crying hysterically over something as little as me dropping my makeup. And he changes every single poop diaper he can. The weekend he watches Red Panda while I literally sleep the entire time. And last he brings me water or a candy as I am in my position over the toilet.

2. Red Panda- There are not many 2 year olds out there who will put up with a mother who pretty much sits on the couch until the afternoon. And the days that are really bad he knows it and will even be extra loving and patient that day.

3. Heavenly Father- When I am just at a loss I know he is there to help me over come my weak moments. Let alone the tools he has blessed me with like lds.org, scriptures, power of the priesthood, church, and prayer.

4. PBS- Thank you for having great cartoons all morning long to entertain my son. I never wanted to be that mom that puts on TV for hours for my kids but you got to do what you got to do... and at least Red Panda is learning while I am too sick to get up. Let alone I get to enjoy every song over and over again as they stick in my head all day and through the night.

5. Sandwiches- Not only because they are yummy but they are little to no work and they don't produce a smell that will send my stomach into convulsions.

6. Modern medicine- Oh where would I be with out my best friend Zofran?!?!? That's right the hospital with an IV. Let alone the plethora of heart burn meds I take through out the pregnancy.

7. Amazing family and friends- It is so great to have people excited for us and that are willing to help out with anything we might need. We have been so blessed with marvelous people in our life.

8. And last it is only nine months- yes it might feel like forever and I swear I have always been pregnant by this point but the second that little one is born my energy will increase by 15 times, chunks of food in my throat will not be a regular occurrence, I can stop carrying produce bags around with me, the taste of vomit will not be permanently in my mouth whether I am eating or not, and food will actually taste yummy again. It makes me so thankful for good health which is something that is so easy to take for granted until one does not have it.