Recently, I realized that on the Internet I almost have a fake persona because I don't like to use it to complain. Luckily, I find a perfect outlet for my complaints in prayer, my amazing husband, and my sweet mother.
But today I looked at my day, and realized it is so hectic and crazy. The house is a disaster, and I physically don't have the strength to clean it. Alex has been amazing working hard all week, to come home and take care of the kids, and then spend the entire weekend cleaning the house. There are days, where I am so happy that I had the energy to at least get my kids dressed. Both kids walk around with dirty faces and pajamas on. I haven't put makeup on, or worn anything but pajamas for months.
The last two years have been some of the most difficult in my life. It hasn't really been one thing, but a mixture of many trials. So many times, I have felt myself crumbling. So many times, I felt weak. So many times, I have felt like a failure. So many times, deep down I am begging for a break to be able to catch up emotionally.
But not everyday is smooth. Many days end and I am left with a feeling of heartache at a day that really wasn't to its potential.
It is amazing how trials really form who we are and the type of person we are. Even when we feel like we are loosing our identity in it. In many ways, I am thankful for trials that make me a better person. They teach me so many life lessons, I would have been so sad to go without.
I truly do feel blessed even on days like today, where I just can't measure up to what I view as the potential. It has been difficult to become a burden on the people I love so much, while I battle a physical fight. But I take pleasure to know when the battle is done, we will all have been strengthened by the challenge. And our family will be that much closer and that much stronger.
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